All My Head's to Blame for All My Heart's Mistakes
by infinitehearts
Summary: Stan is leaving for college. Kenny wants him to stay. Stenny. Oneshot.


**Warnings: Language, bits of angst, some sexual content**

**Disclaimer: I do not own South Park.**

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Eighty-five degrees and rising.

In the chipped ashtray beside the bed, Kenny stamps out another cigarette. He grabs an half-empty pack of Reds from the nightstand, shakes one out, lights it. There's something in his eyes when the fan kicks out again and he wipes the sweat from the back of his neck. It's too fucking hot for this.

Every summer is different in South Park. Sometimes, it rains for days. Sometimes, it's unbearably hot. Sometimes, Kenny wants more than anything to run somewhere far, far away and never come back. He's sick of this little, podunk town. Sick of the fact that everyone else is jumping on their academic scholarship or parents' generous funds to escape. It's all just bullshit.

There's a knock at the door. The lock is busted, and Kenny pulls his knees to his chest. Never can be too careful.

It slowly creaks open. "Ken?"

Still, his guard stands, unfaltering. He watches Stan's feet step inside, his icy blue eyes.

"I'm leaving soon. I just wanted to say goodbye."

Stan's going to college. Kansas State, as a matter of fact.

Kenny drags deeply on his cigarette, letting the smoke curl up towards the ceiling. They've been quite distant for awhile. It just never set in until now. Not really.

He doesn't hate his best friend. It just kind of hurts.

"You shouldn't do that," Stan says after a moment. Softly, as if the words are a scandalous secret, the type of inside joke best friends share. "It's dangerous."

Finally, Kenny looks at him. Scoffs. "What? Just because you're gonna be a doctor, you think you can tell me how to live my life?"

"Veterinarian," Stan corrects, and the blonde shakes his head.

"What the fuck ever. All I know is that I'm sick and tired of everybody telling me how much of a shame it is that I'm not going to college. No, I'm not. But you know what? I'm fine with that."

"Is that why you've been acting so pissy lately? Are you mad at me for going or something?"

Kenny rolls his eyes upwards again. God, this day just keeps getting better and better. "I don't know, okay?"

"Because it's perfectly all right, you know. Not everyone goes to college. I mean, look at half this town."

"Just do me a favor."

Stan closes his eyes, a sigh tumbling free. His expression softens. "Anything, dude."

"Don't forget about the little people when you're out there saving the world."

Pale lids flutter open. Kenny taps his cigarette against the edge of the ashtray. He stares down at his hands.

Silently, Stan steps out of hs dirty pair of Converse, climbing until Kenny's knees bump against his and the air between them has burned with silence. "Is that what you think is gonna happen? God, Ken. You, Kyle, and Cartman are my best friends." As a piece of dirty blonde hair flickers across calming eyes, Stan reaches to tuck it behind the smaller boy's ear. It's an easy gesture. Comforting in a place that could never be, even in the least. "I'll be back before you know it."

But Kenny has this look of uncertainty on his face and his mind is racing with all sorts of questions. "How can you be sure? How do I know that you're not lying?"

"Well," Stan starts. "The program's only for two years. I'll be home for summers and holidays. It's not that bad. I mean, if you see it the way I do, it really isn't. Besides, Kyle and Cartman are going to Community. You've got them."

The blonde snorts, a small smile creeping along his mouth. "Awesome."

"Consider yourself lucky, dude. Some people don't have anyone at all."

Grinding out the cigarette, Kenny chews on that sentence. He feels the mattress sink a little. The way warm fingers find his own and how he turns back into those icy blue eyes.

"I'm not gonna leave you here alone," Stan murmurs. "I promise."

Kenny swallows thickly. Fingers uncurl themselves to rest in his lap. "But I don't want you to leave. Hell, you're the only person I stay in this fucking shithole for. You keep me hoping everyday that things will get better. You keep me _sane._"

"Ken, I-"

But the words suddenly disappear, evaporate into thin air when Kenny steadies his hands on Stan's face and crushes their mouths together hard. Maybe it's despair. Maybe it's something of an entirely different nature. Pushing his body forward, he presses himself into Stan's lap.

The dark-haired boy is just as quick. His fingertips leave faint prints on Kenny's neck, teeth scrape the fresh purple bruises along his jaw.

Between the taste of stale smoke, the layer of sweat dusting their skin, the involuntary grind of their hips, Kenny breathes, "Stay."

Stan knows he can't. He knows. His fingers still, mouth pulls away, body unravels itself from the mess he's loved for thirteen years. "I'm sorry, Kenny," he whispers. "I have to go."

He presses a gentle kiss to the blonde's forehead and gets to his feet. It's painful. Every step toward the door becomes anything but stable. Every breath stings like a thousand knives.

"Stan, wait."

There's a creak in the bed. The heavy thud of footsteps across a wooden floor. He turns right into Kenny's arms, tossed around his neck, held tightly. They haven't hugged since the taller boy's seventeeth birthday. Even then, it was nothing like this.

"Goodbye, Ken."

And then he goes. He shuts the door behind him quietly.

Kenny leans back against the headboard. He lights a cigarette. Pulls his knees to his chest once again. The smoke slips from his lips, rises into the air. "Goodbye, Stan."

Then he waits.

**fin**

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**A/N: Please review!**


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